That Blue Origin Flight

Gotta be honest, I'm getting a "Space Balls" vibe here.

A bunch of women were sent into the stratosphere via giant space dong to celebrate women almost in space, or something. I’ve never seen such excitement over being yeeted into the air for a few minutes, but it’s a slow news day.

Look, I don’t begrudge Jeff “Gobs of Money” Bezos for enjoying his cash flow however he chooses. If he wants to send his fiancee and some celebs into the void, that’s his choice. But does he have to bring all of them back?

The Blue Origin event included Bezos’s fiancee Lauren Sanchez, who in her defense, can actually pilot a chopper, has a real interest in aviation, and actually owns an arial film production company; Gayle King (because when I think of “space travel” I think of Oprah’s best friend); and Katy Perry, who always speaks like she’s reading from a Tampax instruction pamphlet or a lost chapter of Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret.

It’s not a new mission for Blue Origin, they’ve done these sorts of quick, suborbital trips eleven times before. The ladies went into the air, but not technically into space. They were passengers, not astronauts, no more than we’re pilots for riding on jets. These things are fine and good, it’s just weird to see this 11 minute, stratospheric trip presented as some major advancement in space exploration. It’s not. It was a girls’s trip. They spent more time taking a million photos of themselves for social media than they spent in the air.

Again, no judgment! But it’s cringe-y all the same. And then there was Katy Perry’s dramatics:

In the air for a total of 11 minutes. Not even the actual astronauts stranded on the ISS acted like this when they returned.

Perry is about to launch her latest tour in support of her poorly-selling album so she needs all the theater she can get. This was a literal promotional vehicle for her. She couldn’t exit the capsule like a normal human or refrain from promoting her music while literally in space.

I would open the moon roof and make a dash for the sun.

While in the air the women made loud girl noises. When the capsule returned to the ground there was a lot of screaming. To be accurate, it sounded like someone put a bunch of cats in a backyard cooler, taped the lid shut, and then rolled it down a hill. Video here. Afterwards, Perry gave a soundbite to a reporter that sounded like Kamala Harris wrote it. (Basically: “Like I felt feelings up there and when I came down, these feelings, I feel so connected to them.”)

So what have we learned from this exercise? That an all-girls almost-space trip couldn't be possible without one of the men financing it or all of the men in the control room?

Dana, how dare you and your bitter cynicism diminish this awesome achievement. It’s great what these ladies did.

I’m sure it is in their own minds. Is it cool? For sure. Historic? No more historic than my dog finally learning how to ring the doggy bathroom doorbell today.

Who cares what rich people do with their money. It’s THEIR money.

No one ever said they couldn’t. If I was similarly Scrooge McDuck rich, there would be signs. For one, I’d own and operate a miniature farm. Not like, a small farm, but a regular-sized farm of all miniature animals and from my mini-farm I’d sell mini-products. Then I’d lawfare all of my enemies into a nothingness existence. To each their own.

Just don't act like you’re pioneering something when you’re not.

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